Here is what I believe: I need the delusional idea that I CAN do XYZ without reservation. No self-doubt. That is where the delusion comes in. It's not that I think I'm awesome at everything (or anything). BOY, I AM NOT. It's that momentum I need to get me running towards failure. And in that failure will come recalibration and continuation of the delusion that everything will work out. And in that delusion, I have never NOT crossed the finish line.
I'm also making dinner right now. This is relevant.
Two years into a tenure-track Graphic Design position and this is still how I operate…three things open, something burning, and an idea that absolutely cannot wait. I used to think I needed to be more organized, more planned. I don't.
Today was an Illuminated Resonance day. That's my current project…JSU faculty grant, almost a year in my pocket before I could actually move on it (I've been busy. IYKYK). The concept: multiple people wear heart rate monitors during a live Sound Bath performance. That biometric data feeds into TouchDesigner and outputs onto a 14x14 foot screen rigged to float overhead. The visuals reflect the people in the room back to themselves in real time. Not hippy dippy lava lamp stuff. Something with more intention. I don't know exactly what that looks like yet…and that's fine. It’s part of the delusion.
I’m exploring how design functions as a responsive environmental system rather than a static artifact.
Today's win: I got my heart rate from my watch to my phone and into TouchDesigner app where everything will come together. One delusion realized. I’m doing a little dance and moving on to the next delusion. I bought most of the materials for the overhead screen. I built a schematic in Blender. I stood there and thought: this is going to work. Maybe. Probably.
No proof yet. That's the delusion. Blind faith that SOMETHING will get made or pivot.
I haven't written here in a long time. This is me fixing that…mid-dinner, mid-project, mid-delusion. More soon.